They say the rule for blog posts is 500 words, and I know this is way over.
Something I try to do at least once a year is to write a letter to my high school English teacher. When I do, it invariably consists of me asking how she is and explaining how I am. This meant that I had to condense my entire past year into a paragraph or so, and as I tried to do so, it hit me just how tumultuous a year its been. I turn 24 in less than two weeks, and while it hasn’t been the best year of my life (that honour remains with 17, when I was featured in Time, visited NYC, and made out to The Rolling Stones, all for the first time), it has been a year of monumental change for me, which has really opened my eyes to just how much things can change in a relatively short period of time.
December 2008: York was on strike, and my social life consisted of going to The Social every Monday night, seeing the same people I had known for years each time, and that was about it. I was pretty happy with my job at Breakaway. I’d go to Dance Cave and the Maddy on occasion, but nothing too huge. I wasn’t meeting many new people, and when I was, it certainly wasn’t in a long-term context. I had been on Twitter for a few months, but was only following/being followed by people I already knew in another context. Saying the word “hashtag” to me would be greeted by a blank stare.
January: More of the same, until a blackout taught me in one night everything I ever needed to know about Twitter. I learned about search, hashtags, and the value of following people with only incidental mutual interests.
February/March: Work becomes ridiculous as I start working 60+ hour weeks, and frustration mounts as the mistakes of coworkers end up biting me in the ass. On more than one occasion I’m forced to cancel plans with friends because someone else screwed up and I was the only one capable of cleaning up the mess. I come to realize just how unempowered I am in my job. Concurrently, I start going to tweetups, twuneups, twestivals, and give more to charity than I ever did before. I realize that there’s an awesome community that exists in Toronto, and that I can/should do a better job tapping into it and contributing. So I do. In at least one conversation, someone says “we should work together at _________.” I agree, and plan to chat further after my trip to Europe.
April/May: The dust settles from another Spring Break season completed, and I go to Europe for 4 weeks. I told myself I would keep a running travelogue of blog posts and tweets to keep people up to date on what happened. The tweets happened, but I stopped blogging pretty early. I was realizing that the things that initially drew me to working in the travel industry no longer existed in my day-to-day work at Breakaway, and that I needed a change. I wrote a blog post to this effect, but upon realizing that my blog posts were not only public but syndicated to Facebook, and that my boss was probably following my exploits, I deleted the Word document and didn’t blog again for the entire trip. When I got home, I was still out of it from the drugs I had taken in Amsterdam, and oddly enough, while under those effects I unleashed the best Karaoke performances of my life. As I returned to work, I was open and even favourable to the idea of staying within the organization that owns Breakaway, but mentioned to my superiors that I was definitely looking to do something else within the company.
June: I’m told by my direct superior, in response to my earlier comments, that stuff was being planned for the upcoming year, “good news” was on the way (her words, not mine), and while details were still being finalized, I’d know soon. Coming off comments like that, I assumed that my future with the company was secure and that I’d have the opportunity to move into a less frustrating and more balanced position (as hectic as Fall/Winter/Spring was, to call Summer light would be an understatement and I was getting restless without something challenging to cut my teeth on). Since I had assurances that things were going to work out, I decided to treat myself to a new bed set. It cost $800 and arrived on Saturday, June 13th.Less than 72 hours later I was called into a meeting with the supervisor (who had told me good news was coming the week before) and an HR rep for the parent company. I did not anticipate that I was about to be fired.
July/August: The rest of the summer was a mixed bag. I fought as hard as I could for every opportunity I thought I was capable of taking on. I devised tactics to write better cover letters, and crafted thoughtful responses to interview questions. I got close on a few occasions, but when one is facing eviction, close really doesn’t cut it. But through all that, the presence of my friends, both those I had from school and those I had quite recently cultivated through effective use of social media, were there for me, and while I didn’t quite realize it at the time, it made all the difference in terms of keeping me upbeat and motivated.
September/October: After labour day, I moved back in with my parents, who live outside Ottawa, and things got considerably bleaker. I’m not saying that I regarded the idea of moving back in with my parents as a sign of failure. Okay, I did, but I get along great with them, and living under their roof wasn’t the problem so much as where said roof was located – 25 km from the nearest bus stop during a Driving Tester’s strike. I did the best I could, but when your access to the city is restricted to the hours of 8:30am-4:30pm Monday-Friday, and I only have one friend from high school that I still keep in touch with… the word difficult doesn’t adequately describe it. I slowly developed contacts in the city, although with few face-to-face meets, there wasn’t much in the way of lasting connection. I kept getting interviews, and on several occasions they showed more promise than anything I’d interviewed for in Toronto, which only made it all the more painful when the results came back negative. The only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that things could only improve. Someone, somewhere, is going to see the value in hiring a whip-smart, well dressed, and articulate 23-year old who thinks ahead of the curve and has a sexy voice. Also, I have parents who’ll support me until that happens. That was what the rational voice in my head said, repeatedly, and what my friends and family told me as well. Unfortunately, when opportunity after opportunity collapsed for me, especially the ones I presumed were a lock, that voice got drowned out by gut fear. If it didn’t happen there, under near-perfect circumstances, when will it happen? I thought. If you get too far in debt, you’ll never get out of it, so maybe you should stop the hemorrhaging of red ink if it’s only going to get worse.
I don’t know what the definition of suicidal is, and I don’t want to demean or diminish anyone who’s been there. What I know is that on the afternoon of October 15th, I spent about an hour walking around Rideau Centre while I contemplated going to the roof and throwing myself over the railing… I was utterly convinced in my gut that it was the right course of action, but my mind told me to just wait one more lap of the mall, one more lap of the mall, and eventually I got myself on a bus out of there. That was the worst of it.
Then I decided to start rocking a mustache, and the first day I did, three job offers came in. So that was nice, and goes to show that, as John Cusack so eloquently put it, “my gut has shit for brains”.
And here’s what’s happened since then: I’ve moved into an apartment here in the city, giving me infinitely more mobility and availability for social outings. I’ve started working full time as an insurance broker, and part-time as an SAT test-prep tutor (the training for which has strengthened my public-speaking/presentation skills by an incalculable amount). I’ve contributed to the foundation and continued development of #GenYOTT, taking a leadership role on the kinds of events that proved so valuable to me as an attendee in Toronto. And, I’ve made new friends and contacts here in Ottawa, developing a social circle for myself in basically one month flat because I know how to leverage social media to develop a network of supportive friends and colleagues. I hope that someone in a similar situation to where I was last year gets the opportunity to branch out their social connections through what I’m doing, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the past year, it’s the need for and value of having those connections present.
If you’re still reading at this point… well, I’m impressed, and I hope that the rambling nature of my thoughts hasn’t turned you off my writing forever (I promise I’ll get back into writing on more important national issues soon). But with that said, this was something I needed to get off my chest. Thanks for caring enough to read it.