Brian Alkerton Wanted To Document This

The Power Of Washing Your God Damn Hands

October 26, 2009 · 1 Comment

In related news, I heard back from the insurance brokerage. The news was positive. I am in high spirits right now, and with a little luck I’ll have an apartment by the weekend.

Okay, so family-esque news. Over dinner a few nights ago I was informed by my parents that I’m going to be the executor of their will, and that the one thing they would be specifically assigning to me was my mother’s engagement ring. It was also my grandmother’s engagement ring. And once I meet the right lady (applications always welcome!) it will be her engagement ring. It probably won’t fit too well and it’s missing one of its diamonds so it’s going to be taken into a shop to get done up all nice and perfect and worthy of the lady who wears it.

This is a story about the value of social media presence.

Rewind a few months, I’m back in Toronto, in a club I don’t know the name of despite having been there a few times (it’s next to The Boat). I was there on the recommendation of Twitter, knowing that I’d know people there and that it’d be a good time, and it was. I was in the washroom washing my hands, and beside me was a guy I had seen around “the scene”, if that’s what you’d call it. I introduced myself, and because I was a little drunk and that can bring out my insecurities I mentioned that as much as I loved the community in Toronto, I never really felt like I quite fit in. I didn’t work at a startup or in the arts, I wasn’t in a social-media friendly workplace, hell, my job at the time was to help underage kids get drunk in far off places whilst lying to their parents about the cultural significance of it all.

And Ryan Taylor told me that it didn’t matter, that he was a jeweller and hardly fit the typical description either, but that if you show up and get involved and do cool stuff, that’s what people are going to know you for. He was right, of course, and I got more and moore involved and did some really cool stuff, sang some really good songs, supported some great causes, and so on.

There’s no shortage of jewelery stores but there’s only one where I not only know a guy, but I know enough about the guy to know that he’s good people and can be trusted with remodeling a 60-year old engagement ring (in the first draft of the post, I used “souping up” instead of the word remodeling, but it gave me visions of a ring with rims and a performance exhaust, so I replaced it). And he didn’t do anything revolutionary.

By jumping in and developing a presence for your brand in social media, you can cultivate more trust in yourself and your brand than an advertisement ever could. If you’re consistent, sincere, and human, people will want to work with you. “I know a guy” is great, but “I know a guy, and here’s consistent written proof that he gives a damn” is better. And that’s why I’ll be going to Fair Trade Jewellery Co. after I pop the question.

That and the undisputable fact that the only thing better than engagement sex is engagement sex after a 5-hour road trip to Toronto.

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The Power Of A Man’s Moustache

October 24, 2009 · Leave a Comment

This is the first of at least two posts in a series on The Power Of various things. I hope to inspire, teach, and have women throw themselves at me.

I don’t want to say that rocking a ’stache is what put me over the top to start getting job offers, but there was little else in my approach that I changed, and in the past 3 interviews I’ve had, I’ve received two concrete offers and a promise of a third on Monday.

And so it is that my 4 month and a bit stint of unemployment is over, by means I have yet to determine. I haven’t yet decided which of these I’ll take, but I’ve resolved to take one of them, and that’s sort of where I turn to you for advice. Something that’s become clear to me over this ordeal is that there’s a ton of people who have been supportive of me, and I’m not entirely sure what I did to deserve your kindness. My parents I understand, but everyone who’s been kind enough to lend a hand, advice, a cot, or a bit of storage space over the past while, has humbled me, so if you’re reading this, and I haven’t said it to you personally, know that I’m sincerely grateful for your help and support through what has probably been the most trying experience of my life.

Now then, I haven’t decided on a job just yet, so feel free to shout your suggestions from the sidelines, The Price Is Right style, while I chronicle the 2 (and possible 3rd) options at my disposal.

  1. Customer Service/Tech Support in a call center. Would address complaints/technical issues for a chain of dollar stores in the Southern US. It pays $11/hr. Pros: I know exactly what I’d be doing, I’d be very good at it, I could go in and do my work on a daily basis with no moral qualms. Cons: Only $11/hr makes saving difficult, evening/late night shifts on a rotational basis, not the most accessible place by bus.
  2. Collections for a phone company. They target the customers that Bell refuses to take on for bad/non-existent credit. 90% of their customer base lives on Native Reserves in Northern Ontario. It pays $15/hr plus commission. Pros: The pay is good enough that I could afford to travel more, there are no evenings/weekends, the office is centrally located which gives me more flexibility in apartment-hunting. Cons: I’d be shaking down Natives who haven’t paid their phone bill. I defy you to come up with a more demoralizing job that exists.
  3. Insurance broker. I haven’t received a formal offer on this yet, but I was told by the president of the firm in question that he’d definitely have something for me. Pros: Long-term growth potential. Developing my skills in directions I haven’t yet taken them. Commissioned position means plenty of earning potential. Cons: Not sure if being an insurance broker is what I want to do with my life.

I’m leaning towards 3 if an offer comes in for it and the base compensation is comparable to the other two jobs, but if nothing results, I could be forced to choose between 1 and 2, a choice between a job that neither offends my sensibilities nor satisfies my bigger goals, or something that pays significantly better but runs the risk of converting my soul into a black void from which no light escapes.

Having to make this choice is a good challenge to face, but it is a challenge nonetheless.

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I Can’t Get A Job If I’m Nuts, But Unemployment Is Driving Me Insane.

October 16, 2009 · 2 Comments

I’ve been told, more times than I can count, that I wasn’t appropriate for a job because, despite my skills and talents, in the eyes of the recruiter, my ambitions were such that I’d become bored with the position. In every case but two, I’ve asked for clarification on what kind of position a person with my generally high aspirations and generally low experience/qualifications might have a snowball’s shot in hell of attaining only to hear nothing in return (credit where it’s due to Ian Graham at The Code Factory and Sean Moffitt at Agent Wildfire). Going back to my favorite topic, the analogy I’d draw would be something akin to me turning down an incredibly attractive woman on the grounds that she could do much better than me (when the relationship analogy is brought to bear I’m under no illusions that I’m not the party with the upper hand).

But to say that any HR person has a hundred suitors is an understatement. They can take someone as lovely or as homely as they please, but I don’t have that as a fucking option! I don’t have the luxury of being dumber, less ambitious, or whatever it is they’re seeking! And after I make every effort to be myself as accurately and sincerely as possible from the time I email a cover letter through the interview process and so on, it’s not as if I present myself as some useless unoriginal fuck in my writing only to perform a complete about-face in person. I’m tired of the cocktease that is saying you liked my cover letter/resume only to reject me for being overambitious or overqualified. You knew what the fuck you were getting into, and if I knew you would only waste both our time, I’d just as soon have had you not respond at all.

I am willing (and at this stage in my career, nigh-obligated) to take an entry-level position in order to prove my capabilities. I know this. I understand this. I accept this. And in response to being brushed aside in this way as many times as I’ve been, I pursued a new tactic: Before agreeing to an interview with a company, research them so that I can establish a realistic timeline for the advancement of my career through that company, that will further both the company’s objectives as well as my own. I felt if I did that, I could acknowledge that my ambitions exceeded the position I was interviewing for, but show my commitment to proving myself, and to sticking with the firm over the long-haul.

Yesterday I was told, after presenting this timeline, that I couldn’t be considered for the more entry-level position if what I ultimately wanted was something else. As the HR rep put it, she wouldn’t be doing her job if she considered me for a position when I had my eye on something else down the road. At that point, the interview was cut short. She said she’d look into the higher up position, for which I am nowhere near qualified at this time, and get back to me.

Shocker! I’m not qualified for the higher up role, and am now out of contention for the lower one. I can’t fucking take this anymore.

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Dealbreakers

October 6, 2009 · Leave a Comment

As inspired by Emma Brooks and Jon Crowley.

We’re no longer dancing around online dating as a discussion topic here. My list is fairly short but absolutely firm, and thus far, has prevented me from ever going on a 4th date, so obviously it must be great. Here goes:

  1. Apolitical. Okay, maybe this is something I should’ve mentioned before starting the list, but these are dealbreakers for relationships. Hook-ups and flings don’t necessarily abide by these criteria. But simply put, if I ask a woman her thoughts on the economic crisis, or energy policy, or how singing on stage might be the smartest thing Stephen Harper’s done since becoming PM (and yes, I believe that’s the case), if her response is vague or passionless, I lose interest very quickly. She doesn’t have to agree with me, and the conversation’s far more engaging when she doesn’t, but if she doesn’t vote or care about politics, it just isn’t happening.
  2. Incompatible sense of style. I’ve always believed that presentation is 9/10th’s of attraction, and that you don’t need a supermodel’s body to look great. If she makes a conscious effort to look her best, it shows that she cares about these things. If we dress in styles that compliment one another, then we make each other look better. I wouldn’t expect to change my whole wardrobe for the sake of a girlfriend, nor would I expect a potential girlfriend to do the same for me.
  3. Anti-Geek. I like social fun that tests the brain and stimulates the funny bone, which means board games, Rock Band, and conversations that involve copious internet memes and pop-culture references. A woman who dismisses that stuff out of hand, whether it’s due to self-consciousness or just lack of interest… it simply isn’t going to work.
  4. Hyper-Geek. I understand that having 2 Level 80 Paladins means she plays WoW less than most people. It still doesn’t make it okay when she has no interest in going out all weekend.
  5. Country Girl. Living at least 20 minutes (by car) away from the nearest anything strikes me as the pinnacle of stupidity, and I can’t wrap my head around why someone wouldn’t want to be able to get home in a safe and affordable manner when drunk. This belief will never change.
  6. Non-Dancer. She doesn’t need crazy moves, but she’s gotta get down and enjoy herself on the dancefloor, otherwise it just isn’t going to work.

So yeah… them’s my dealbreakers.

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Let Lansdowne Live!

October 2, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Okay, let’s get one thing out of the way first: Ottawa’s had two CFL franchises fold in the past 15 years, and there’s absolutely no reason to believe that the third time will be the charm. It’s not my place to say what the city of Ottawa is or isn’t capable of, but every team that’s played a sport other than hockey on a professional level in Ottawa has folded. I admire the tenacity of people who continue trying the same thing with the hope of a different outcome, but there’s a term that’s used to describe people like that.

Leafs fans.

Right now there’s a proposal on the table to revitalize and revamp Lansdowne Park, which is something the city. There was an open consultation process, and then there was a big bold bid called Lansdowne Live that crowded everything else out. It was going to include tons of retail space, a massive facelift on the stadium, a movie theatre, and the people opposed to the plan have just done wonders for my sense of smug superiority towards Americans. After all, who was I to think that we were better than exploiting kids to score political points or disrupting meetings with megaphones?

There’s counter-proposals. They advocate turning half the current site into a park, and half of it into an extension of the Glebe, with small-scale retail and housing. I’d argue that this is a better idea than spending a ton of money on a revamping of the stadium for sports teams that have the odds stacked against them, but not because it’s a good idea — it’s just cheaper. I really hope that, in a city that already has the Glebe and plenty of parkland, we can do better with this opportunity than to add a bit more of what we already have if we’re going to undertake a big expensive project.

I can only speak for myself here, but Ottawa didn’t strike me as a city with a lot going on when I was growing up here, and now that I’m back, I still pretty much feel that way. I’m not saying that the city’s goal should be to do something I think is cool, but if the city wants to change and grow and develop, that’s not going to happen unless we do something big and bold and innovative. Any plan to revamp an area that’s big enough to accommodate mixed-use development needs to answer three questions. The proposals on the table right now fail to address these.

  1. What will this bring to the city that it doesn’t already have elsewhere?
  2. Why will this improve the city’s economy, quality of life, and reputation?
  3. How, if implemented, will the plan meet its objectives?

With Lansdowne’s central location, proximity to Universities, and Ottawa’s strong reputation as a tech city, the opportunity exists to focus the city’s innovation and research spending in one location, creating a walkable mixed-use community that gives opportunities to tech startups as well as small businesses in the retail and service sectors. Minimizing the presence of established chains and big-box stores would provide an opportunity for new companies to thrive. This, combined with housing and nightlife, could create a central nexus for the city’s creative class, a focal point that could provide tons of great opportunities for colloboration and the development of new ideas.

But hey, it’s cheaper to just extend the Glebe and build a park, right?

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For The Second Time, Why Do I Like Ignatieff Again?

September 23, 2009 · Leave a Comment

I can’t believe this is one post away from turning into a series. But hey, here’s part one if you’re so inclined.

But EI reform isn’t why you’re here. You want new insights as to why I wish I could support the actions of the Liberal Party, but can’t.

Let’s take a moment to talk not about the Canada we’re capable of being under better leadership, but the Canada that is right now, where Harper’s proving himself to be a poor leader, useless at keeping the deficit under control, but quite competent when it comes to getting Canada’s economy through the recession without taxpayers taking too many lumps. And right now, that’s pretty much all anyone’s worrying about. There’s been some investments in new infrastructure projects, and that combined with the Home Reno Tax Credit is helping to alleviate things. I personally think the HRTC should be scrapped for a number of reasons, but all the parties have agreed to keep it in place, effectively giving tacit approval of the Conservatives’ handling of the economy.

Climate change is not a factor because every party will say they care about it and want to make meaningful progress, but if they actually propose measures that will make said progress, they’ll be crucified on election day (see Dion 2008 for an example of this). The fundamental problem is that we spew too much carbon into the atmosphere, and without a financial disincentive, people are going to keep doing it. So let’s rule that out until there’s a majority government with the chutzpah to do something about the problem.

No one’s in a position to complain much about health care, because the media spotlight’s on us and we want to look good for the Americans. And let’s face it, looking good on the world stage is a very strong argument for Ignatieff as Prime Minister. The man’s articulate, intelligent, and his foreign policy chops are second to none. He’s the guy I want representing my country on the world stage, and I think he’s capable of inspiring people to do more for their country. These are all good things.

Let’s look at the reality of the situation: in order to have any chance of forming the government, the Liberals need to flip a lot of Blue seats. Ignatieff’s only real ammo on the economy is the out-of-control deficit, and it’s going to be difficult to argue fiscal responsibility against the Conservatives. At best it’ll be a small win for the Liberals. Climate change will be a draw, Health Care a non-issue, so it boils down to the deficit and leadership, and as much as I love the guy, I don’t think anyone believes that he can flip 40+ seats on leadership, inspiration, and budget issues that don’t make easy sound bites. At a time when the economy needs steady management, it’s irresponsible to force an unwinnable election. If the Liberals, Bloc, and NDP want to form a coalition and cooperate to defeat the Conservatives, they could have a legitimate shot, but I frankly think they’re all too proud to run as one. It’s not impossible to consider that the electorate might give the Conservatives a majority out of fatigue with these shenanigans, which is why it’s so important that the Liberals consider their next step carefully, because they’re taking a gamble that has the potential to blow up in their faces. They’ve got a lot to lose in the house if Harper picks up a dozen seats, and their reputation as a party could take a real hit if they force an election that backfires or misfires.

But I do hope they pull it off.

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How To Win Friends And Not Freeze To Death

September 17, 2009 · Leave a Comment

So, last night I was fortunate enough to get out to SproutUp Ottawa, which was being held at The Velvet Room in the market. It was great to see Saul and Erin again, of course, but also great to meet some new people… some of whom I had kind of already met.

For the first 8 months or so I was on Twitter, I think I had about 5 people following me. Now, I know I always say that who’s following you doesn’t matter, and it kinda doesn’t, but it helps as an intro to this story. I had signed up for Twitter after I liveblogged a 3-day trip to Vegas through my Facebook Status… only to have all evidence vanish a few weeks later as Facebook only caches those for so long (which I understand could be a feature to some). So, wanting to have a record of all my inane ramblings and travel liveblogs in one place where they’d be permanently held, I signed up and used it almost exclusively as a feed into my Facebook status. In January of this year there was a big power outage that knocked out electricity to half the city of Toronto, and right while I was in the middle of playing some Rock Band DLC to boot! I did a quick Twitter search to find out what was going on, and before anyone was reporting anything on the news, I knew what was going on, how big the affected area was, and I was able to contact a friend to arrange a warm place to crash. People were asking questions about different areas of the city, and as I made my way through the affected areas, I was able to give people updates. And based on that, I started getting followers, who I’d then follow back, and as I read their updates I’d keep in touch with them, hear about cool things they were doing, and then I started going to tweetups and singing karaoke and the rest is kinda history.

Here’s the lesson: you don’t need a blackout to take an interest in other people who live in your community.

A few weeks ago, when it became clear that I’d be moving to Ottawa, I started doing searches for hashtags I felt would be relevant to me on arrival: #ottawa, #octranspo, etc. And then I just started following people and if they @’d someone I’d follow that person too, and by doing this over a few weeks I had a base developed so that when I showed up here in Ottawa I already had contacts, and I knew what was going on, and when I was at SproutUp last night, at least one person said “Oh, so you’re Brian!”

And that’s a good feeling.

So, summing up, anytime you find yourself entering a new community, whether it’s a city, an industry, or anything else, it never ever hurts to do some research first and make contacts on the inside. I can personally attest that it makes introductions a whole lot easier.

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Does The Left Need To Lie?

September 14, 2009 · Leave a Comment

One of these days I’ll start talking Canadian Politics…

Andrew McIntyre kind of gave me the idea for this by referencing this recent NPR interview with Max Blumenthal, who has written the new book Republican Gomorrah. Our discussion was over Twitter, and while 140 character bursts are great for getting ideas out there, sometimes you need a bit more space to flesh out your opinions. One question that Andrew and I came to regards dealing with people who are very angry and very misinformed. How do you address the concerns of someone who’s convinced that Obama is Stalin’s Kenyan love-child and hell-bent on sending the elderly to death camps?

I vaguely recall an interview Michael Moore did on CBC Sunday around the time Bowling For Columbine got released, when he called out the interviewer (Evan Solomon I think) for being hesitant to show bias. There’s a good reason for that hesitation – if people believe you’re giving one side favorable coverage, they lose faith in your ability to report the facts objectively, and that faith is important if you ever intend to get anywhere as a journalist. Jon Stewart has argued, accurately, that he’s a comedian before being a newsman, and that frees him from the constraints traditional journalists face. The problem facing journalists now is a choice between reporting the right-wing’s lies and hampering the distribution of facts, or calling out the lies and coming across as biased towards the left. Stewart dodges that because he’s not obligated to uphold the traditional rules of journalism. I don’t know if Colbert was right when he said the truth has a well-documented liberal bias, but when conservatives bend the truth and make arguments with no factual basis as often as they do, the factual record is going to skew towards the people who are using facts to come to their conclusions.

The majority of Americans are rational, decent, friendly people, who can agree to disagree without stooping to vitriol. However, the disruption of town halls, and the impact those disruptions have had on Obama’s poll numbers, shows that even though the majority might see through bullshit, enough people can be swayed by it that it raises doubts in the minds of the rest. If 20% of people are flipping out over fictitious death panel claims with such venom that otherwise rational people find themselves considering the possibility that Health Care Reform is a plot to off the elderly… then there’s a serious problem. With declining voter turnouts, mobilization is more important than being right, and you just don’t see protests on the same scale in favour of health reform. This may be because it’s easier to say what you don’t want than to say what you do.

So where to go from here? Given the demonstrated inability of a significant number of Americans to tell fact from fiction, and given that lies, so long as they’re not defamatory, are constitutionally-protected free speech, we find ourselves at something of an imbroglio. Game Theory suggests that if sensational lies motivate people to become politically active and there’s no penalty for telling sensational lies, the inevitable outcome once one side starts lying is that the other will as well. By this analysis, Democrats either need to start lying or change the rules of engagement so that deceptions don’t go unpunished. The mainstream media has demonstrated that it isn’t going to start calling liars out anytime soon, so the responsibility to stand up for themselves and the constituents who voted for them rests with the politicians. They can do it either by confronting and challenging those who lie or by lying themselves, but they neglect to do anything at their peril.

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PAXstroturfing

September 7, 2009 · 4 Comments

I was at the Penny-Arcade Expo this weekend in Seattle. This is the first of at least a couple posts on my thoughts of the whole experience.

Part of what makes PAX great is that it’s real. Just about all the panel presenters, game developers, musicians, etc, are accessible to anybody at the show willing to take the time to wait in line. And promoting upcoming games is a huge part of the show. Part of my reason for going is that marketing, and the opportunity to try out the newest titles before anyone else. However, some of said marketing isn’t just bad, it’s insulting. Consider the following exchange:

“Hey guys, do we have any Star Wars fans in the line?” *grunt*
“I said, do we have any Star Wars fans in the line?” *roar-ish*
“Have you guys heard about the new game ‘Star Wars: The Old Republic?’” *cheers*
“Have you guys seen the trailer?” *cheers*
“Well, have you seen it on a 10-foot screen that’s 8 feet above my head?” *cheers the first time, groans each subsequent time”
“All right, guys, check out the new trailer for Star Wars: The Old Republic!”

I’m paraphrasing it slightly, and the first time this played out, it got a great reaction (as well it should have – independent of how the game looks, the trailer is amazing). However, 5 minutes before each event let in (several times a day through the three-day expo), this exact same exchange played out in the queue room – word for word. As a gamer, I recognized that I was getting played, that someone was probably filming this, and that footage would be used by some guy in an office to derive sales projections. Again, this isn’t a criticism of Bioware for sponsoring the show and promoting their wares, but for having someone do a spiel introducing it that was scripted to sound spontaneous. In the political and marketing fields, it’s referred to as astroturfing when something with the appearance of coming together spontaneously turns out to be completely fabricated and planned to look that way. Obviously this isn’t quite the same thing, and spiels that don’t sound like spiels can be extremely effective, but when we can see through the facade we don’t like what we see. Whoever handles the marketing on that title screwed up, plain and simple.

I think there’s a lot of false assumptions made when it comes to marketing for a geek audience, and it results in a lot of the ads aimed at us falling to the lowest common denominator: sex and swordplay sells. But what these ad guys fail to realize (at their peril) is that there is a subset of gamers and geeks who can tell when we’re being marketed to, and we don’t like it when marketers think they’re smarter than we are, because they probably aren’t. I only speak for myself here, but it’s insulting when a company thinks it can script something like that and not have me see through it. And here’s the thing – those of us who are smart enough to pick up on that stuff? I’m the early adopter. I’m the one who wants to be the first to know and share details of the things I find cool with all my friends and contacts. I’m the one who will sell your product for you if have a great product and don’t talk down to me.

Because when you talk down to me… I write posts like this instead.

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What I Believe And Who I Am In <1000 Characters

August 31, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Monster asked me to provide a “Personal Summary” and what I came up with felt good enough to share. If you have the time it’s not a bad idea to do this once in a while.

I believe in the value of professionalism defined not as sticking to outdated formalities and ideas that no longer fit, but as delivering on promises, having the humility to own up to mistakes, and focusing on what gets results, not what maintains the status quo. I guess I can track it all back to 12th Grade.

On the recommendation of a family friend, I took an intro Economics class and was instantly hooked. Studying how people respond to scarcity, and how analytic techniques can be applied to solve broad societal issues fascinates me. That underlying impulse to understand more about how the world really works has driven much of what I’ve done since then.

I’m not quite sure what to write here, but if you were to ask my former coworkers and employers what I bring to the table as an employee, I’m sure they’d tell you I’m a very creative problem-solver, fantastic at dealing with clients by phone or email, and that I set my clock not by when my shift is over, but by when the work is done. Oh, they’d probably also mention that I’m pretty awesome at Karaoke. Thanks for reading.

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